Tuesday, January 29, 2013


Lost & Confused

by Reb Gutman Locks @ Mystical Paths


Someone wrote:

     I am a 40 year old married man with 2 children. My daughter I had with a woman which I never married. My son is with my current wife of 12 years, but was born out of wedlock. I was raised on the belief of Christianity, most of it Catholic.

I've committed just about every sin G-d commanded not to do. When I say every sin, I mean every sin. I've slept with men's wives, paid for 3 abortions, lied, used G-d's name in vein, you name it, I've done it.

My question is, is there any hope for me? I've never had guidance to lead me in the right direction. Just recently, within the last few years, I've realized that I have been following a false idol in jesus. So we can add that to my failures as well.

I'm not sure who I am, I might be a Jew, I really don't know. When I pray, I repent & pray for wisdom, knowledge, & understanding. Most of all when I pray, I pray for Truth, truth of the right way, to live my life so I can teach my son. Is it my fault that there was a lack of guidance to teach me? Will I be held accountable?

Should I leave my family, go to Jerusalem and live in the streets until I find the right way? There are no Jewish Synagogues in my area. I see no light given from the Jewish people, I thought from scripture, Israel was suppose to be a light unto the nations? How am I suppose to know how to live, if there is no example being shown? Does G-d even hear my prayers?

So many questions, with very little answers, I feel completely lost & alone. How do I teach my children, when I don't even know truth?

Thank you for your time,
Lost & Confused.

Gutman’s Answer:

When a person sins, he digs a hole in the ground and he has to stand in that hole. Now he is lower than he was before he sinned. Being lower, it is easier for him to sin again, so he sins again and the hole gets deeper. This makes it easier to sin again, which he does and the hole gets even deeper. On and on, this person sins and sins, again and again, until he even comes to think that his sins are not so bad, maybe not even wrong!

The hole gets so deep that he can no longer see the sunlight. It is dark and lonely in that deep hole. There seems to be no hope. How can he possibly pull himself out from there? Even if he would stand on his toes he could not reach the top of the hole to pull himself up… darkness, sorrow, emptiness, a living hell!

But then, for some reason this person begins to feel regret. Not just because it hurts him so much, but because he realizes that he has hurt others, too. He begins to cry. He cries and he cries until he feels that there is nothing left. He has become an empty shell filled with remorse. There is no hope. He is like a dead man.

But, since he had thought of others, a little light comes to him. It is not much, but it is a tiny hope. If he looks up into that light, if he sees that harming others was even worse than harming himself, that light will become brighter. He will begin to sob even deeper than before when he was crying only for himself.

If he truly regrets all that he has done wrong, and sincerely promises from the depth of his heart not to do any of those horrible things again, and he thinks that, if he ever gets out of that hole, he will try to pay back those people whom he hurt, his world will turn over for him. It will turn completely upside-down. That deep, deep pit that he is standing in will become a high mountain that he will stand on.

From there he will again be able to see right from wrong. He will breathe fresh air, and stand in the sunlight. If he will keep his word, and not sin again, if he will look for those people he hurt to apologize to them and to try to pay them back, if he will now look for others to help, he will stay on that mountain top in the warm sunlight for the rest of his life. He will become a righteous person, a blessing to all those around him.

Or, he can slide back into his deep narrow hole in the ground. It is entirely up to him.


  1. Hi R. Gutman & R. Akiva,

    Speaking of wives, I wish to have your opinion on the following if possible.

    I heard that there are some well-known hasidic jews saying that the only way to preserve Sholom Bayis is to avoid telling ANY reproach to one's women. Only if the men guards his wife of any thing that she does wrong according to hom.

    I find this position "a bit" extreme to say the least. What's your take on that one ?

  2. *The only way a man can achieve long lasting peace in his home would be for him to keep his mouth shut everytime he finds his wife doing something wrong acording to him...

  3. Anonymous: that's similar to, though not exactly the same as, the view propounded by Rav Shalom Arush in the Garden of Peace (for men -- I assume you're a man; apologies if that's incorrect). Read it for yourself and you can draw your own conclusions. His view on shalom bayis is not the only one. But I think there's much truth to it, and it works.

  4. Thanks but I didn't wanted to name him and my question is still to be andwered...


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