Friday, January 01, 2016

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Shabbos vs. My Father?

​   by Reb Gutman Locks  

 

Ben in England asks:

     I have started keep Shabbos fully and it has been an overall success with my family members except for my father who had a bad experience as a teenager in yeshiva and has gone away from Judaism although he occasionally puts tefillin on in Chabad's local Yeshiva and works with the Jewish community. Well he isn't too happy about it and gets annoyed with me leaving lights on and asking my mother to buy grape juice and things like that. How should I approach the situation making sure I keep to the commandments of honoring thy mother and father and trying to keep Shabbos?

 

Gutman's response:

     Apparently you are living in your father's house. Do not tell your father what he can or cannot do. Although the rule is that if a parent asks his child to transgress a commandment the child is to refuse, this does not seem to be your case. Your problem is trying to please your father while you are keeping Shabbos in his home.

     There are a number of things that you can to do help, such as; put a timer on the light in your room, serve the foods that your father likes most, sweetly ask your father to bless you and your siblings with the traditional Shabbos evening blessing, ask him to please make Kiddush (blessing the day over a cup of wine)

for the family, be sure to have the kind of wine that he likes, and to sing tunes that he enjoys…,

     If you make the Shabbos an enjoyable experience for the entire family and not just a set of rules that they have to follow then your father will see the joy, and even though he might still be grumpy in the beginning, he will soon join in the singing. What your father wants most of all is a happy family, and there is no mitzvah more happy to fulfill than to eat delicious food and drink good wine with the family.

     Make your Shabbos a joyful experience for everyone in the house and you will not only fulfill the rules of Shabbos, you will be honoring your father and mother as well.

 

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Could be worse. Try being shomer shabbat, whilst living under the roof of an Xtian parent. Being shomer anything quickly becomes an impossibility as one's Xtian parent works to sabotage your every effort.

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