Monday, April 08, 2013

// // 6 comments

Something is Broken!

at the Western Wall with Reb Gutman Locks on Mystical Paths

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       This Canadian man walked by me with an English sidur (prayer book) in his hand, but he didn’t really look Jewish. I asked him if he was.

     He answered, “No, I’m not Jewish.” Then he quickly added, “But three of my four children are Jewish.”

     I asked, “Are you and their mother still together?” thinking to try to influence the children through him.

     He sidestepped the question. We spoke and I asked him what he did for a living. He said that he had a small restaurant, taught yoga, and did some renovation work. I went back to his kids. “Are you still with your Jewish children’s mother?”

    “Well, actually, I have four children from four different women.”

    “You’ve been married four times?!”

    “No. We never married.”

    “You didn’t marry who?”

    “I never married any of them.”

     “You have four children from four different women and you never married any of them?”

     “It’s a different world now than you probably remember. The women don’t want to get married. Once, three of them all lived within a block of my apartment.”

    “How do you support all four of them?”

    “Their grandmothers love to take them shopping. That’s their way of showing love. It’s a different world now.”

     It’s a different world? Seems to me that something is broken. Those Jewish girls knew who they were going out with. They knew what happened to the other girls he went out with yet they didn’t care. Apparently, they just wanted to have a “good time.” What’s so good about what happened to them?

      If anything in the world points out the value of a Torah based family life this story has to be a prime example. Something is broken out there in the Jewish homes that this has become an accepted norm. Don’t wait until your children are dating before you explain to them the difference between living life as a single parent, and having a Jewish family.

6 comments:

Josh said...

This is sad. Sure, many of us men are not very romantic people after the wedding, and many of us are imperfect and slobs, but I don't think that most of us are that bad to not want to live with us even for the benefit of our good side. It is sad that four women, especially Jewish women, had given up on finding a Jewish husband and instead resorted to having a baby (baruch Hashem, a very strong desire) but alone. I have neighbours, a young couple with two young children. Both are attractive and good people, normal, not perfect, each with their own personal pluses and minuses. The mother decided that she doesn't want to be with her husband anymore because she sees how his father treats his mother (apparently not physical or mental abuse, but rather minor disregard and not too much love), and she does not want that to happen to her later in life so she's demanding a divorce. The husband is a great father, comes homes from work, spends time with the kids, and even she admits that as well, but her mind has been set. Another thing that bothers her is that the husband is somewhat getting stronger in his religiousness and she is not ready for that at all. She really loves going out with her single girlfriends at work to wine and dine. So they already have everything pretty much signed up with a divorce lawyer, nothing to fight about, and putting their apartment on sale. She refuses to speak with a former divorcee that wants to tell her how leaving his first wife was a mistake and his four kids have issues, but she refuses to meet with him. She refuses to listen to our reason as well. We have investigated and there is no violence involved at all or another bad secret, and she has been possessed with some stick and refuses to rethink her decision. We are praying that some reason does get into her head before she becomes a single mother.

tostien said...

I think he was playing with you... probably not telling the truth.

Anonymous said...

It's the old feminism and all. Wait till I tell ye about my family.
You wouldn't even believe such a thing excists! And then again; you shoudn't even get angry, or atleast try not to, even when you get insulted by them, or when desperate because they don't wanna know the truth. Just wonder what did I do wrong in a former gilgul to end up with this Tikun. Or are we on the edge of some kind of birur? Will the people with biduck issues live to greet Mosiach? Or are they doomed?

Dov Bar-Leib said...

After telling you all this, I would be embarrassed to have my picture taken. I would have.....shame, or would be ashamed of myself. I guess that is what is missing or broken.

Yishai said...

Good point. People think they are being liberated and normal and enlightened by having casual sexual relationships and considering marriage an old-fashioned thing. But the most common result of this is they spend most of their lives alone caring for children, or have a series of not-very-committed boyfriends. How much suffering all this aloneness and instability causes! If they would insist on marriage before having a sexual relationship -- as does halacha -- this result would be far less likely.

Jesterhead45 said...

Hate to imagine how much the poor guy is paying in child-support, he is right though that it is a different world that unfortunately supports the growing trend of single motherhood, paternity fraud* / cuckoldry and female initiated frivolous divorces (they receive the house, kids, car, ex-husband's valuables along with various cash and prizes at the husband’s and taxpayer’s expense) in both the religious and wider secular worlds.

* - In countries such as France men risk going to jail for a year and being fined 15.000 Euros for daring to carry out secret paternity testing, even if the paternity tests reveals that the men are not the father that does not protect men from being forced to pay for children that are not biologically theirs.

Consider the fact that nowadays (thanks to feminist social/legal misandry) men stand to lose a lot in relationships, marriage or practically any interaction with the opposite sex (in workplace, out of workplace via false accusations, etc) to the point where an increasing number of men are CORRECTLY deciding that in order to prevent being victims of such grave injustice it is in their best interest to remain single and go their own way in embracing a minimalistic bachelor lifestyle* by only producing what they need to live on.

*- Even in Shaar Ha'Bitachon Chapter 4 it states that that a Stranger aka “one that lives alone” should consider living alone to be one of the kindnesses of the Creator to him, because if he needed to pursue matters of this world for providing for his material needs, his exertion would be lighter without a wife and children, and their absence is peace of mind for him and it is good.

Assuming what the collective Manosphere is saying is true (particularly the MRA and MGTOW subgroups), then women are not blameless for the situation reaching this point. Prior to hitting the attractiveness / fertility wall, many (not all) women are constantly looking for a bigger-better-deal via hypergamy in line with Briffault's Law, only desiring the big "Bridezilla" wedding rather than making a marriage work and making a regular / low-status guy they’ve temporarily settled-for as a beta provider / future income-stream pay for not being high-status like the men she previously “dated” and still longs for.

That does not mean that a Jew should resort to "Kizai"-like extremism in reaction to the outside world(that is condemned in Babylonian Talmud: Tractate Sotah 22b) as practised in some communities in guarding one's eyes / modesty to the point where they harm both the individual as well as the wider community, I personally believe that in order for men to not follow their hearts / eyes they should be taught about the negative aspects of female nature beforehand (as well as the positives) rather than the default notion that women are on a higher spiritual level than men by virtue of being able to give birth and laying blame for women’s current misfortunes (resulting from feminism) at the feet of men for not “manning-up” (can you really blame men for wanting to remain single?).

In my case, while I want to one-day marry a good Jewish woman in an ideal world it does not inspire confidence when seeing Jewish couples (both Religious and Secular) separate / divorce, being a bystander to what men lose in such situations (as atm with a friend of mine) or seeing Jewish women deciding to marry out and more or less having a license to do so since the children would be considered Jewish whatever the case.

Perhaps someone can have a go at writing an article / blogpost in the future about Jewish Men's Issues and growing Manosphere along the serious need of a Jewish Manosphere.

http://aiwac.wordpress.com/2012/05/07/a-cri-de-couer-the-beginning-of-the-jewish-manosphere/

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