by Rabbi Nati at Mystical Paths
This week on the street of life, I continued the process which was started many weeks and months before. As I continued to climb out of the pit, I became aware of how it all transpired. I came to the realization why: I did not guard my eyes as I should have.
No, I did not look at what was forbidden, but what I did, was remove my eyes from looking to my source, the Eternal source of my soul where all strength and blessings come from. You see I’m guilty.
I innocently started to do what I was supposed to do, let’s say my mission in life, and as I started I was distracted into letting my seder go, and Blam… Bang…Boom I lost a morning of S.I.M.C.HA “Shulchan Aruch Mikva Chatzot and Hisbodedut”... and prayer ‘on time’ and learning.
I started to get down on myself for failing such a little thing, but I caught myself and said, ”I’ll just get up tomorrow and start again". Ok, not so bad. But that night I did not get to sleep on time and the next day I missed again, and this happened for the next two months until I was totally burnt out and dysfunctional.
The walls of my fortress collapsed, ‘My seder of life giving blessing’ was lost, it was like forgetting where you left your wallet. You walk in circles and cannot think. So now after literally running away and giving up, I’m standing up again as there is no quitting on Hashem. We are all signed up for life, what we used to call a ‘Lifer’ in the Marine Corps.
So you’ll just have to come back to see how I’m pulling myself up by my bootstraps. I’m here on a mission to clear a path through the jungle of this world.
This Mission is the most important mission I have ever been sent to accomplish. As I make my way through the twists and turns that lurk in front of me, I pray that you will journey with me as I overcome the obstacles, and turn my weaknesses into strengths.
BS"D - בסיעתא דשמיא